To whom it may concern,
Dear Satan, it has been brought to my attention by my Attorney, Jesus Christ, that the land you’ve been squatting on is in fact mine. He showed me the proof and took on my case without payment. He said He wanted to see justice done. He is a knowledgeable Man and has favor with the Judge. You best not try anything or you’ll make it that much worse for yourself.
This notice is for you to deliver back the land that you stole. We are also seeking further damages for the traumatic stress, bouts of fear and physical and mental torture you buffeted me and my loved ones with. I showed Jesus the scars and He said He’d take care of it.
We are demanding, in excess of the land that you already owe me, seven times the value of the land. Jesus said this was a fair number. I am deferring all legal duties to Him. If you have any questions please contact Jesus Christ. He said He’d be more than willing to discuss how you will pay. If we do not hear from you immediately, Jesus said we can send a court order to bring you in before the Judge. I take it you don’t want that so please be mindful of our time. Jesus will be in contact shortly after you receive this notice.
Cordially,
Child of God – under the direction of Jesus Christ
Father, Son and Holy Spirit Law Firm
